We are what we share on social media

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BELCHATOW POLAND - MAY 02 2013: Modern white keyboard with colored social network buttons.

“We are what we share” – or so goes a notable variation of a much used saying. Unfortunately, if such a premise held true for Pakistan, we would be in dire straits. The fact is that a wide majority of Pakistanis share nothing but rounds of unfiltered, semi-processed crap. Here is our roundup of the most common types of social media posts in Pakistan and how our world is worse off:

 

You won’t believe what this Famous Person said about this other Famous Person

The most common of the Facebook absurdities. The context is usually between two ex-lovers, people we thought were friends or just really, really famous celebrities. Whoever it is, you can count on most of the article to be based on making a mountain out of a mole hill.

Inspired by the great house of literature that is Perez Hilton, you can bet any hint of shade will be exaggerated to maximum proportions. Be it Wasim calling Waqar a ODI expert (which, of course, means that he was trash in test matches) or John Abraham accusing Bipasha of never being there (which, of course, meant she was cheating on him), make sure to indulge in these with one side of the mind closed.

 

Famous Indian Dude Thinks Pakistan is Great

We are always looking out for even the slightest bit of praise from anyone – and if it happens to be an Indian celebrity, we just can’t hold it back in. Nothing makes us feel better than Sehwag calling Shoaib Akhtar the fastest bowler in the world, or Om Puri saying Pakistan feels like home. Nothing like a little ass kissing from the enemy. Puke.

 

Notorious Atheist Sinner Accepts Islam

These ones are usually accompanied by before-and-after pictures where the concerned person resembles the devil beforehand and now resembles, well, a Maulvi. A quick google search usually proves that it isn’t so simple after all – Lindsay Lohan, anyone?

 

Random Fruit: The Cancer Killer

Those malicious pharmaceutical companies don’t want you to see this one! That is usually how the caption runs for these ones. The fruit or miracle food is usually an easy-to-find one (quite often honey or some type of berry) that has been proven to destroy all forms of cancer if a certain quantity of it is consumed (usually rounded off to the nearest hundred or thousand).

 

Apologetic Feminist Post: Women can do random cool thing better than men

Yes, some of us have studied in good universities and we know a thing or two about the positive effects of feminism. But of course, being in a deeply male chauvinist society, one step onto the feminist bandwagon usually means a lifetime of fighting the wave. For others who just want to live in their bubbles, we come across these absolutely absurd apologetic ‘proofs’ that women are as good or better than men – which just makes us wonder if the author actually believed in the men-are-better-than-women notion enough to write an antithesis to it. The fact is, if one or ten or a hundred women actually do ‘achievement A’ or ‘activity A’, it does not become a generalization. In any case, women do not need such apologetic reassurances, most of us (or at least those who can read such articles) already believe in equality.

  

Wedding Film in Slow Motion with Unfunny Interviews

No other nation has taken to formulaic 5-minute wedding films quite like ours. We already know what we are going to see before the video starts. Faisal Mosque, Badshahi Mosque, a drone shot of the Lahore Fort, a short unfunny iteration of the how the two met and a moving (as in physically moving) interview with the bride’s mother-in-law, who can’t wait to make her (and the fridge she’s bringing along) a part of the family.

 

 

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